so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
