so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
