Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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