Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
