Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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