i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
