Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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