she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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