After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
