you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
