i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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