Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
