He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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