First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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