when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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