Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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