so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
