After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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