She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
