He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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