Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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