I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
