he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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