is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
