im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
