Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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