I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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