Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
