I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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