He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
