I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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