no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
