3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
