What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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