i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
