I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
