to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
