But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
