Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
