Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
