I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
