I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
