you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
