Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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