yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
