lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He passed out mid-signature
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
