somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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