one might say we're banned from that church
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
