I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
