My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
