you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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